Surprise me, please

surprise: an unexpected or astonishing fact, event, or thing. ORIGIN: late Middle English, as in ‘unexpected seizure of place or attack of troops’. From Old French, feminine past participle of surprendre, from medieval Latin superprehendere seize.

I have never been surprised. I have been startled before by Chris scaring or jabbing me from behind, but I’ve never been surprised in a pleasant way. More specifically, I’ve never been surprised by how much someone knows me.

And I really want to be surprised. I want some present that perfectly fits who I am and is exactly what I want. And I don’t want to know about it beforehand because of some slip of the tongue or unintentional discovery. I want to be given a gift that was ‘out of the blue’ because it reminded someone of me. I’ve done this to my friends before and the expression on their faces is one that makes me continue to do it, showing them that I think of them, I care for them.

But then my actions are a double edged sword, because after the gifts are given, a small voice always wonders if anyone would do that for me. So far, no one has. Which, okay, I don’t think that it’s the equivalent of NO ONE LOVES ME but still, I’m kind of taking it in a way that perhaps people don’t truly know me.

Then again, maybe it’s not always other people’s fault, because in order to get to know someone, its a two way street; I also have to share some of myself. I have to be vulnerable as well and show who I really am…

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