too much magic

University has changed me. In both good ways and bad.

But let me specify on perhaps what can be taken as a distorted mixture of both.

I have always wanted to change the world,

make it a better place,

help people,

improve lives.

I thought

(and truly believed)

that the way to do this was through pop culture. Cause let’s face it:

who will impress the teen more,

the engineer

or the singer?

I wanted to help girls’ insecurity,

boost confidence,

and speak from a level where teens would listen

and understand.

So I thought that maybe that path meant something with music.

But now,

after being in University

and being exposed to so much more,

no.

Just…no.

See, right now I’m on the path to be an engineer,

a person who I didn’t think would change the world the way I wanted to.

Sure, engineers build stuff and whatnot

but they didn’t help the problems I saw around me in my classmates

in fangirls

in students

in teens.

But now, I see what they do.

They build homes,

they create opportunities,

they bridge gaps.

And now,

from the other side,

I’m torn.

I almost feel as if I was yanked from the extreme of soft power

(pop culture and media)

to hard power, the engineering and industrial world.

And now I don’t understand.

I’m confused. Why be a singer when you can build someone a home?

Don’t they need the home more immediately then they need help?

Is this the reality or is this a phase?

My roommate says that people do what they are gifted in their skills task to do.

But, she emphasized, we need everyone.

Everyone needs to chip in.

See, cause I’m a writer, she says,

and that doesn’t directly help someone

but it’s empathy,

and I’m changing how they think without them knowing.

And though I’m no English major,

I still see a magic in that.

And I guess that’s where I’m torn.

I see too much magic in everything.

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