Conscious Caterpillar

She looks up

and sees the sky,

beautiful, endless stretch of blue above her

seemingly waiting,

waiting for her.

The canvas above her,

primed and ready for her entrance

fills her tiny green body with hope.

“I can get there one day,” she whispers with a giddy voice.

But then the spell is broken

when she turns her eyes back down to her stubby legs,

her plump body,

her dirty surroundings.

Back to working the dirt,

squirming in filth,

repetition over

and over again.

But the sky, the delicious tempting image of the sky

never leaves her mind.

And yet-

yet reality smacks her in the face.

You’re a worm,

you’re small and you’re weak.

But she’s seen the butterflies

and the way they unfurl their beautiful wings and take off,

sunlight bathing their new lithe bodies in glory.

She wants it,

but is the cocoon worth it?

And when she comes out, where will she fly?

To the north,

the south?

East?

West?

And then what?

What if she doesn’t like the colour of her wings?

What if they are the same ugly shade of her present body?

What if they…don’t work?

What if all the waiting in her cocoon, squashed in her own body

as her innards digest herself

as she literally loses her past form

result to nothing?

Her thoughts turn darker than the dirt around her,

and fill her mind,

suffocating her;

but even so, the luscious sky occupies a corner of thoughts,

even if it’s only a little bit.

Because what if it’s actually all worth it in the end?

///

I haven’t written a poem in a while, eh? Maybe it’s an effect of me losing my edge? (sighs) Either way, I’m really glad that I wrote this. It always feels good to write poetry, especially once you know what you want to say. I highly recommend the practice to everyone~

If y’alls haven’t gotten the theme, I am the conscious caterpillar. I know that there is a future for me, a role for me to play, but I don’t know what it is. Is it in engineering? Music? History? International affairs? Something I don’t even know? I want to fly and achieve lift-off, but before I get there I need to know where I’m going. Or do I?- Even if I dedicate myself to something and discover that it’s not it, even then I learn something. I mean, there’s several Korean singers who realized that. And sure, it sucks to realize that you were doing the ‘wrong’ thing for five plus years. But then you find what your destiny is eventually and that’s all that matters. And it’s not like the past years were a waste either. So even if I don’t stick with engineering, I still have my experience and life lessons from it that I can take away.

//wow, that was a long tangent, sorry guys…

TL;DR (too long, didn’t read)-I’m still trying to figure out what I want to/should do with my life.

Again, thank you for reading my work my dear readers. I got a pleasant surprise from WordPress that my stats were booming? My last post about summer boredom got a healthy amount of attention from my friends from Facebook, so thank you for that gift~ I will try to post more diligently and keep this blog interesting!

Merci beaucoup mes amis,

-ajc

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