will i ever be?-

Why did I expect magic or sparkles of sorts?

-balderdash. magic isn’t real anyway

And yet, still…

all this vast knowledge and potential is overwhelming

in a delicious

yet scary way.

And I’m not quite sure how to feel about it,

because in a way, I’m excited to explore

but also scared because what if

my sails are punctured

and I’m left stranded with nothing to feed me

but the bitter fruit of failed and disappointment?

All this for nothing

and yet again I’m blowing it too far,

conceiving notions prematurely,

casting my own fortune when all along

I have not rights to that-

all I have

is my right to choose.

Is it worth exploring the unknown

with only the ever shifting stars to guide my?

Am I ready for that…

will I ever be?

///

written june 8.15, before I fell asleep.

~ajc

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