This will be a stream of consciousness post. I think my blog is like a friend I haven’t talked to in a while, so I have many things I want to share with it but it’s like they’re all crowding to the front, begging for my attention, making my head spin (but in a good way, you know?)
This is my first semester as an International Studies student and it’s about as awesome as I thought it’d be. (I was about to go on about my classes but I realized I already wrote about it here, so I’ll spare you guys some rambling)
Hm, since I already talked about my classes, I’ll talk about side things then, like what I’m doing in my spare time and whatnot.
I’ve had lots of ideas about posts about K-Pop but they haven’t come into fruition (alas, the trap of procrastination). My musical taste has shifted again, slightly. My playlist has been a nice mix of calm music like Baek Yerin’s “Across the Universe” and Zion T’s smooth songs (꺼내 먹요, No Make-Up), “Dream” by Suzy and Baekhyun, and then some more quirky classic K-Pop like Jun K.’s “Love Letter”, Twice’s “Like Ooh-Aah” and G-Friend’s “Rough”. And because of a friend, I’m also getting some rap in there too, like Dynamic Duo’s “꿀잼” and Primary’s “입장정리”.
To push myself to explore more of the breadth of Korean music, I’ve asked friends for their favorite genre then explored it to recommend some material from Korea. And it’s not just one way; I’m also getting some recommendations of UK music and Bollywood material (what’s up, Sneha~).
Sidenote: I’ve been liking GFriend (Korean girl group) recently. I got the title tracks of all their releases so far and I didn’t think I’d like them because they’re the girly schoolgirl concept but their music is really interesting. It has a signature sound, kind of reminding me of how Infinite has this sound like when you hear it, you know it’s an Infinite song. And their dancing is nice because it’s not all soft like typical girl group dances. It’s a good blend of strong moves and shows exuberance even while maintaining the innocent, sweet girl image. And above all, I’m impressed by how they’re doing, considering that they’re from a small company.
TL;DR: they’re cool, check out some of their material? I don’t know if everyone will like them, but give it a try perhaps. It does grow on you after a while.
Ahem. Moving on~
My courses though. It’s not just like go to class, then memorize, then that’s it. I’m actually intellectually curious and hungry to learn more, and it’s a very pleasant feeling, something I’ve never really had before in high school or in engineering. And I think that this intellectual curiosity is what I need. My mind is so eager to take in more information from my classes and it keeps on branching off to ideas for research and discussion with professors. And it also helps that I’m taking classes with some friends so we can have these intellectual conversations pushing each other to think more deeply and stay hungry for more knowledge and methods of critical thinking. And the more I learn and the more I discuss, sparks keep flying and setting little fires everywhere.
(…that made no sense whatsoever…sorry. I don’t know really how to express this continuous hunger and fascination with everything I’m learning but yeah.)
I feel like I’m becoming more like an adult! (applause?…)
It’s like a bittersweet feeling. It’s cool because now I’m cleaning the apartment and paying bills and working and just yesterday I went to a business dinner (SO.MUCH.FOOD) but still, in all of this, I’m also moving away from being a child. I can’t ever go back to not having responsibilities, haha. But at the same time, it’s exciting. I don’t know exactly how to put it.
I used to be so scared about living away from my family. I feared for the day that I wouldn’t see my family every day and the day I created my own life. I mean, it’s an exciting chapter but with the start of something new comes the end of the something of the past. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that the past ended badly, but just that the time of it is done.
(starting to feel poetic and nostalgic for some reason…)
I mean, next year my parents will be empty nesters. Chris will be in college (which I’m still not used to. I’m not going to believe it until it happens.) I will only see my family during holidays or the weekends or on FaceTime. We’re fragmenting, naturally, as time moves us along. And as I’m writing this, I’m only now realizing the weight of things.
I’m becoming independent.
And I think that’s why my parents miss me and why when I flip through old pictures, nostalgia comes up in waves and I start to feel more mellowed and humbled. I was just talking about my family a bit ago with a friend because my dad sent me pictures and it made me emotional because wow, the little girl that got to read 1 Corinthians 13 during my cousin’s wedding is now in college, halfway through and almost ready to live in the ‘real world’ (whatever that may be). I’m building my own nest and now the names I say to my family won’t be totally familiar to them because they’re in my world of Iowa.
(okay, starting to get a bit emotional…)
I guess this is all to say, I get it Mom and Dad. I did grow up so fast.. (oh gosh, I don’t know why I’m crying over myself…)
*trying to collect the last morsels of my thoughts before they drown in tears*
Mom and Dad, I miss you too. I don’t say it enough but I do in little ways and I guess it’s all hitting me now (geez, I’m making myself cry…). Thank you for raising me so well and supporting me. 사랑해~
Okay, I did not plan crying as I wrote this. I guess this is what happens when you agree to follow your mind where it goes. But these are good tears. I think now I’m starting to get my parents a bit more. I don’t want to linger too long on it because I’m at the breaking point of breaking down, and I have a class at 2pm haha.
Tell your parents you love them. And every so often, stop to realize how much they did for you and if you’re in college, how much they miss you. They’re not saying it to bother you, they’re saying it because they mean it.
Thanks for reading and go hug your parents if you can. I can’t right now, but I’m still gonna contact them.
Spread the love everyone~
*please excuse me, the tears are still coming ㅠㅠ*