And so here I am

And so here I am,

where I wanted to be / while I longed to know that

a. I would get over the past

b. I would find a morsel of something that resonated in me

c. my hopes were not in vain and would be rewarded and fruitful

Now everything seems sharper, clearer, even if the horizon is still slightly blurred

but it’s beautiful now, the mix of colours shifting, dipping into each other, mesmerizing, tantalizing, shimmering in hope, drenched in promise

<< intermedia>> is a word I learned yesterday and it sits well with me, it resonates

much like how << interdisciplinary>> does

it vibrates at the same frequency of me,

like finding a lost friend/ that I didn’t know that I had/ or lost

in the same way that <<Korean>>, although I don’t know all of it, tastes like home in my mouth, its shapes familiar and ringing with my mother’s voice, my father’s laughter, my grandmother’s wisdom, and the lyrics to the hymns I sang so long ago, stumbling over the words, but continuing nevertheless

 

Perhaps, then, it only makes sense that this is where I am. That I am, as my mother put it, going backwards, against the grain than the ordinary Korean, that I want to study my motherland, that I want to research it, that I am going to where my parents left years ago.

Life is unfolding, each revelation and epiphany slowly unfurling like petals as a flower yearns for the sun.

And this is where I’ve wanted to be since freshman year when I studied blindly, resigning myself to a set major, thinking that was the only way, until I discovered beauty in building one’s own path, in spilling my mind into every crevice until it found a home.

And found a home it has, in many places at once, which again, is no surprise. And yet, it works. I can mix and blend all my colours like paint, smoothing out bumps, swirling them into the perfect shade to reflect who I am and who God wants me to be.

And so,

here I am.

///

Within the two and a bit months since my last post, I am, as one friend put it, making my way into the world, and I can’t help but be overwhelmed and yet not, because I stubbornly told myself that God had a plan, that there was a purpose for me, and that when I found it, I would know. I remember my small group leader telling me this when I was a freshman and I was so jealous and I wanted to just fast forward to there. And now, I’ve arrived.

That being said, not everything is done and not everything is clear, but I know more and doors are being opened and I can see through it all, the winding golden thread of God’s plan.

So don’t give up, dear readers. Cling onto hope stubbornly and I assure you from my own college experience, that it will be fulfilled. Perhaps not as you expect it to, but in the way it is meant and created to be.

Today was my last final and I am planning to blog more often. I say this several times after I haven’t written in a while, but truly, I’m amazed that I keep forgetting how good it feels to blog. Anyhow.

Until next time,

ajc

 

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